Not a Poem but a Thought

I lay awake, the ceiling spinning, emotions flowing through my heart, an unsteady rhythm of unclear consequences. It’s been months since I’ve felt this way, months since the pain of reality has surged into my mind, an unwelcome flood of destruction.

I always struggled with the night, with the sounds of my breathe and the cars passing slowly outside. I always struggled keep my mind in my body, to pin my soul to my bones and not drift off into another existence, where the world is free from drifting minds.

Thoughts crash into me, sending me skidding through the alleyways of my emotions, and with memories as walls, I begin to fall into the past, into times that I do not want to see again.

Your face laughing, the curve of your smile as it calls to me, beckons me further into my own mind. You grab my hand and pull it to your chest, to your lips, and release. But I cannot move anywhere, but I cannot move forward or backward. I am stuck. You grab for my waist and pull your body to mine, a long hug that deserves no end. I grab for you, cling to you, run my fingers through your hair only to find air, to find space, to find emptiness around.

I bang against the bed and scream into my pillow. The past has returned with a vengeance. You have returned to my mind. And as I sob out my memories and let them drift away with my tears, I feel a growing panic inside me, a growing urge to escape, to run away from my body, from my mind, from what cannot be escaped, from what I must stay with eternally.

The memory of you is etched in my soul and with your absence, I lose more of myself each day, each night that reminds me of what you once were, of what we once were, of being happy.

Poem: Night Sky

I wrap myself in star speckled sheets
Stripped from the night sky
So as to feel infinity,
Make the intangible trapped
In my fingers,
And millions of years collide.

I want to feel the breath of nothing
Caress me into awe as I stare
Into the blackness above me
And wonder how I could ever be so small
And so large at the same time.

I want to find the answers in far off galaxies
And stop wondering why Earth is
So lonely in the company of others
And why the night sky,
In seas of light pricks,
Feels like home,
Feels like love,
Feels like you.

Poem: Late Night Musings

Image

When the air dims to the sound of celestial humming
And the streets are scattered with empty footsteps
Know I think of you.

In this city,
The brightness masks the stars
Such that the sky no longer holds
What I see in your eyes
But when I look at you
I see the heavens spread out before me,
When you whisper my name,
I spot galaxies on the horizon and
When you tell me you love me
I believe the big bang is real.

So tell me you love me one more time
And I’ll tell you I believe in God
Because there has never been a feeling known
So sweet as being yours

Let people tell me I’m crazy,
Because I agree
I must be insane to be
In so deep in this leap of faith
That I won’t be replaced
And that this love is real.

Like I believe in the stars above,
In the infinity in their gaze,
I believe in the days to come
With you by my side.