I miss that look in your eyes
That told me that my world was safe,
That the plans for the future
Would remain unchanged.
I miss your hands,
The way they carressed away reality,
An elixir given to stave away
The banality of living.
I miss your lips,
The way their touch would stop
My heart and head and would
Save my mind from thinking,
I miss the way your body
Would surround me when I panicked,
When the world became impossible,
When you would ensure that I was okay
And that the world was safe and worth every day.
I miss you.
Experiences fade into memories,
fade into thoughts,
fade into dreams,
fade into forgotten alleys,
A maze of myths that might have once happened,
But one could not be certain.
For, did your smile once bring me to life?
Or am I imagining a time,
Dreaming of a life that I imagined?
What is reality but a confluence of events
That we can never really touch once more,
Thoughts and actions out of reach,
Out of touch,
The past unable to be confirmed
And the future more unsteady.
Our reality is out of reach.
I had a dream that you died in my arms.
I had a dream that you died in my arms
And as the soul drifted from your lips
It collided with the sky
Whitening the night with wisps of remembrance
I had a dream that you died in my arms
And as my chest tore open
And I flooded the ground
Your arms held me tight
As you died in my arms,
Your arms held me tight.
I see life through a filter
Of hazy memories and forgotten smiles,
Sharp pains and lost wiles,
Wherein every memory I have with you
Shapes my current reality,
Giving into the illusion of existence,
For what are our memories but imprints of the past,
Waning ideals that never last
And a soft heart ready to crash under the
Growing weight of nostalgia
The desire for physical contact is uncanny;
An anvil pressed against my skin,
Waiting to be lifted by the touch
Of another human hand,
Fingertips graced with warmth,
Filled with felicity and touched
I feel untethered,
Flying from the earth,
A separate being from my body,
Unattached, unaccounted for,
Lost without the hug that ties me back to reality,
Without the soft kiss on the cheek that leads me back to the
Definition of what it means to be human.
For what is my humanity if not wasted
Without another hand in mine,
Holding me still in time.
Your heart rests in mine,
A peace of the storm,
With the world all around me remaining unformed,
I want to hold your existence,
To push my hands through your hair,
To feel the breathe from your lips just to know that I’m there
I need that look in your eyes,
The smile from your soul,
To remind me that with or without you I am whole,
You stained my sheets with your comfort,
That protects from the darkest of dreams,
But eventually, my sheets must be cleaned.
Come back to me once more,
Come lay your head in my lap,
Let me feel as though this absence has just been a nap,
Because you keep me level,
Because you keep me sane,
And because you keep away of all the pain,
You are my guardian through the night,
Guardian through the day,
Guardian of my soul who keeps the world un-grey
I see you walk behind clouded eyes,
Through sunlight shadows that betray the lies
That you attempt to become in some
desperate longing to belong
To the world of the laughter
That doesn’t sound off key
I asked you if you were okay,
A faded question asked each day of
Those around us
Through gritted teeth and blistered minds
That think nothing of what lies behind
The eyes of others
But even through your reply
That you were fine
Your eyes betrayed your
That all was not alright,
That in day there still is night
And behind every answer
There is fright
That you’re alone
In this fight.
So let me tell you this one last time,
I have lived in your mind and those who
Wade through the waters
That suck you under in an attempt
To make you blunder and lose the thunder
That is your life.
You’re not alone in this world, my dear,
Let me make that as clear
As I can that even in the days darker than
Pitch I have been there
And I have left
And I’m alive.