Secret: No Matter What I Lose

He just looks at me with that mischievous glimmer, as if he knows a secret the world is vying for, as if he’s willing to tell me that secret, and all I have to do is ask.
But I can’t do that.
He’s a senior. No matter what, I lose.

If I start a relationship with him, let it be just a one night thing or casual dating, we’ll be stuck in a relationship that never ran its course, forever on the minds of both of us, forever leaving us with what ifs that could span days, months, years, until that relationship is over with- except it never will be.

If I don’t do anything, I’m left with even more what ifs, those nagging questions that stir your stomach and leave your plates full before you. They take away your hunger by scavenging at your mind, making you think, making you wonder, making you dream of what could have been if you could just take that chance and lean in for that kiss.

No matter what, I lose.

If I do something, I have the taste of the chocolate still lingering on my tongue long after it’s left.

If I do nothing, I’m left to crave what I can’t have.

No matter what, I lose…


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