Secrets

Secrets. We all have them by the bucket full.
Whether they’re inconsequential or life changing, there’s always something on the tip of your tongue which you really want to share but rarely do for one reason or another. Secrets are a part of life, a part of human nature, and a part of a person’s identity. From now on, I’ve decided to post a secret a day, and maybe elaborate on it a bit. Feel free to share your secrets with me via comments, if I even get any viewers (those of you whom have glanced at this site, thanks for your interest).

Either way, here goes nothing.

I am petrified of the dark.

Only the people who know me best know this tidbit of information, and even then they don’t know the reason why. When I was a child I used to scare my sister in the dark every day. Our rooms were in the basement of our house because our basement was finished off, and everyday, without fail, I would hide in a random place and wait until she made her way downstairs. As soon as she passed by me, I would jump out from behind something in the dark and yell “boo!”, scream, or grab her.

I was a mean older sister. As the habit went on, I made my sister more and more frightened of the dark until she was petrified to go downstairs. Now I regret it, but back then I thought it was fun; until I started thinking. What if there’s something in the dark? What if there’s something out there, like I was out there waiting for my sister?
The dark is unknown; it’s contents are unannounced to us- and that’s what scares me. I used to go undetected in the dark until the moment  when I jumped out and scared her, but what if someone could do that to me? As I got older, as my innocence faded away, my head became satiated with more options of what could happen. There could be a rapist, a murderer, a thief waiting in the dark in my room. As unlikely as it is, I’m still scared of it. I’m still scared of the possibilities. I’m still scared of the unknown.

I once told a good friend of mine, let’s call him Danny, about my fear of the dark as my grade was huddled around a campfire in the woods on a class trip and he told me something which although he probably forgot, I still remember.

He looked over at me as we both sat eating smores and enlightened, “You’re afraid of the dark, right? But not because it’s dark, but because of what could be there. You’re afraid of the unknown. But if you’re afraid of the unknown, why did you come to Hogwarts where everything was unknown and new to you as a new freshman?”

That made me think. I came to Hogwarts as a new freshman, away from her parents for the first time, away from friends she’d had from preschool, and yet I loved it. Why am I afraid of the dark, if the unknown is what thrills me? I still don’t have an answer to that question.

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